Dainors Lukas, father of three children: “Children always need both mother and father” | Life

A man who has established a strong emotional bond and trust with his children since early childhood agreed to share his thoughts on parenthood.

Do children need to be brought up?

“I can’t say that my wife and I would talk like, ‘Well, let’s talk about how to raise these kids.’ I think the most important thing is to love them, always answer their questions, give advice when they ask for it or when you see that help is needed. I know that you can’t argue about their upbringing in front of children, but it still happens sometimes,” said the interviewer.

There is a ten-year difference between the eldest and the youngest daughter. The older one already lives independently.

“I always try to give equal time to everyone, but it always happens that the youngest gets the most attention. There are wonderful memories from the children’s childhood. I myself participated in the birth of all of them, I saw all of them before my wife. What exciting moments those were – especially the birth of my first daughter, when I couldn’t hold back my tears,” the man recalled in a sensitive moment, mentioning other shared experiences that were personally important to him.

“I taught all my children to ride a bicycle. I talk to everyone about money, how it is earned, saved, invested. I help everyone with their homework when they need help, but my eldest daughter didn’t need that help – she surpassed her parents in her intelligence, thinking and memory abilities since childhood.

So, with my eldest daughter, who is 21 years old, we talk about US politics, books that are read several at a time, foreign languages, medical studies. I keep asking her to speak Esperanto, which she once learned herself. But it is not so easy when your child surpasses you in many ways. At the age of three, she said that she would be a doctor and always pursued it: she studied at the best schools, learned German so that she could practice in German hospitals and make sure that medicine was really for her. I admire her,” Dainor said about his eldest daughter and his relationship with her.

The middle son is currently going through adolescence. The relationship with him is different.

“My 14-year-old son and I talk about technology, money, and I admire his care for his many plants. With him, we like to ride bikes, do sports, compete to see who can do more pull-ups, and walk in nature. I will be happy with his interest in crafts and growing various plants. By the way, he is already helping his mother with his advice on growing plants,” the man praised his son.

A special relationship with a young woman

More than a decade ago, the family had gone to live in Asia, where Dainor’s wife received a job offer. According to the husband, then it naturally happened that he took over the child-rearing leave – the youngest daughter was six months old. Most likely, this is what led to a special connection with the young woman.

“My relationship with my little 11-year-old daughter is special. It so happened that we went abroad when she was half a year old. My wife worked a few hours a day, and I spent a lot of time with my daughter. Maybe that’s why our bond has remained so special. I know that my daughter trusts me a lot, confides her secrets, she really wants to spend as much time as possible with me, swim in the Nemunas or in the pools,” Dainor said.

The family spent a couple of years in Malaysia. According to the husband, this experience was very important for everyone – both parents and children.

“I had a long paternity leave, while my mother worked, I was with the children. Locals were surprised when they saw one father with 2-3 children. He kept asking, where is my mother? It was not easy, but everything was different because we lived in permanent summer: the children were happy to swim in the pool every day, eat delicious food, lots of fruits, travel to other countries. Indeed, our children experienced the kind of childhood I dreamed of,” dad remembers the stage in Asia and adds:

“In Malaysia, I realized even more that the model where only the mother takes care of the children does not suit us and is unacceptable. Children need both mom and dad all the time.”

Sensitive topics in the family are not only the “job” of mom or dad

Every family has their own rules that they follow when talking to their children and, for example, confide some topics that are sensitive to one parent. According to Dainor, it is not in their family. Who talks to whom and about what happens naturally.

“I couldn’t say that there are topics that children discuss only with their mother or only with their father. However, it so happened that my son often talks to my mother about personal experiences, and my little daughter talks to me. There was a time when my son had to be spoken to very sternly about his behavior at school. I scolded, but I also remembered my childhood and asked myself: “And you yourself were an angel at school?” – Dainors honestly admitted.

In his opinion, both parents are important for children, and children can experience different things with each of them.

“In our family, I am the one who does sports with the children, rides bikes, swims, learns math, history, geography together, talks about Lithuania, civic and responsible behavior, and goes to important city events. It wouldn’t be good if children didn’t have it,” the interlocutor is convinced.

Speaking about what is most important to him in his relationship with children, he emphasizes that he wants them to find their place in life and be happy: “To choose professions that help them achieve their dreams. I also really want them to never be afraid to ask me something, consult me. I try to advise them all on important choices.”