A woman from Kaunas was betrayed by her husband’s infidelity by 1 coincidence: she sends a message to everyone

Milda told her story and feelings after experiencing betrayal. She shared tips with other women on how to cope with infidelity more easily.

Met online

The story of Milda and the father of her children began with an online acquaintance. The woman says that the acquaintance was not really accompanied by love at first sight. The couple developed romantic feelings together.

“My ex-husband and I met online. I remember that in the summer we corresponded, and then we met live in my city, Kaunas.

He came from another city to study in Kaunas. At first, our communication was friendly. He later went to work abroad to pay for his studies. He always had to go to work.

Somehow, during one of his trips, such a closer relationship was established, because we used to talk in the evenings and tell about our day. I still remember that we communicated via Skype.

It really wasn’t love at first sight. So even though I didn’t really like him at first, I didn’t see him as a romantic partner, and then he became the keeper of my experiences and secrets. It was then, when he had already returned to Lithuania, that I decided that we were starting to be friends,” Milda shared about the acquaintance and the establishment of a romantic relationship.

They got married while still studying

For Milda, who was in love with her husband, everything developed quickly after they started dating. The couple moved in together after a while and later got married. And after finishing his studies, he started planning a family.

“When we were friends, everything developed quickly enough. We got married after a year and a half of friendship.

We started living together even before marriage. Until then, we had a friendship in a dating format. And when we got married, both of us were in our last year of university. After finishing my studies, after a year of marriage, we started planning a family and I started expecting a daughter,” Milda recalled for a moment.

It didn’t take long for Milda and her husband to grow their family and a new phase of life began: “When our daughter was born, we, as a young family, took out a home loan. A child appeared, I was on maternity leave, income decreased and responsibilities increased.

Then he got such a good project that he had to travel abroad to work. He would go abroad for 5-6 weeks and then return home for about 2 weeks. That distance, having a young child, when you need more help and support at home, I think has made a difference.”

Conflicts followed one after another

When her husband went abroad, the entire household fell on Milda’s shoulders. The woman hoped that her husband would help her with the housework when he returned, but that did not happen.

“There were a lot of conflicts, disagreements, non-sharing of household concerns, the emotional bond started to crack. I remember, my daughter and I were constantly alone, waiting. There was a lot of loneliness.

And we were angry with him because I had certain expectations. Anger had started even before marriage, but I thought things would change. I thought I could be a good example of what to do and he would change because of it. During our marriage, we used to get angry about the household.

When I was waiting for him, I hoped that we would do something together, that he would help me in the household. And in his understanding, everything should have been different. So we did not communicate constructively.

In a few weeks, I used to accumulate complaints about what was not right for me, about being with my family, with my child, about time and attention to me as a woman. I used to express it through demands.

I was the one lashing out, expressing anger, frustration. And as they say, you can either attack, or run, or freeze. He would be frozen, he would listen, he would promise a change, that he would give more attention or time or help. I was so reassured and waiting for that change, and it never came.

It was calm until the next conflict, when I asked when the promised change would happen. There were conflicts when I ran out of patience and the same cycle started again. Basically, they were always about the same thing,” the woman shared the reasons for the conflicts.

A second daughter was born

Although Milda’s relationship was not going well at that time, she still dreamed of having a bigger family. She hoped that perhaps a new phase would help the couple to resolve their issues.

“I remember that my husband and I talked about my desire to have a bigger family. We were planning a second daughter, three years apart between the daughters.

Like a common woman, I thought that, well, maybe something will change, because the next stage. The first child goes to kindergarten, and I’m expecting the second, everything is different. When he came back, I thought we would have more time for each other. Again, I had the same expectations. They did not come true,” the interviewer shared the sad news.

She added that the second child not only did not improve the relationship, but also brought a new awareness to Milda: “When the second daughter was born, I had an inner feeling that something in our relationship had ended. I don’t know if it was faith or hope, but there was a break. Soon enough, I started talking about divorce.”

Learned about infidelity

Milda was seriously considering infidelity at that time. The woman was preparing divorce papers and soon found out about her husband’s betrayal.

“After the documents were started to be prepared, the infidelity was revealed as the icing on the cake. And I found out completely by accident, with the help of my older daughter.

She wanted to take her husband’s tablet, which he used for work, to watch a video. Her husband had left her at home because she was inactive. But somehow it turned on for me and I wanted to turn it on for the child to watch a video.

I remember seeing the Tinder icon while swiping through the menu bar while searching Youtube. I didn’t even know what Tinder was, I didn’t care. I opened that app, the passwords were saved, and I discovered long-standing correspondence.

There were more than one and more than two of those interactions, conversations, going out for coffee, dates. It appeared to me at that time that this is a search for communication, maybe a relationship,” explained Milda.

“As the men say, it was a blow below the belt. It was a huge shock to me, I would never have thought that he could do this. Even if someone from the side had told me, I wouldn’t have believed it. I thought it was impossible for my husband. I never checked my phone or computer, I thought the problems were because of us, I didn’t think anyone else was affected.

I didn’t want to believe it, there was a great feeling of deception, great self-loathing. It seems that I spent so much time and attention, I looked for so many ways through seminars, books, how to come to an agreement, to talk.

In that moment, it was the answer to why my ways weren’t working. Because the focus was somewhere else. I thought that he has absolutely no motivation to solve something between us, because he receives attention, recognition, appreciation elsewhere. And here there is no desire to fix anything,” said the interviewer.

He worked with himself for a long time

At that time, the woman passed on the information about the infidelity to the lawyer, and handed the divorce papers to the husband who returned home after the business trip.

“My desire at the time was to expedite the entire divorce process. I didn’t tell him about the divorce over the phone. I waited a week for him to return from his work and then I informed him that I no longer wanted him to live in our house while the process was going on. I also informed that everything is agreed, the divorce papers are ready, that I want to sell the shared house, so that we don’t owe each other, we separate and live our lives separately.

When I announced the divorce, I no longer wanted to listen to his excuses or explanations for his infidelity. At that moment, it seemed to me like the answer to why our marriage didn’t work out,” she said.

After the divorce, the interviewer had a long way to work with herself. The woman was afraid to trust men, but now she feels much better.

“As for new romantic relationships, it was very difficult to start them because there was a huge distrust of men.

I did not trust their intentions, I felt great fear that such a situation could happen again, that they would take advantage of me, deceive me…

I worked a lot on myself, the psychotherapist helped me understand what happened that I experienced what I experienced in my life. I was looking for answers, how I chose that man, what I didn’t notice, what I didn’t do myself.

I had a great desire not to repeat the mistakes that were made. It took me five years, but I learned what kind of relationship I wanted, how to build a relationship properly, how to build a relationship for myself.

I am currently married for the second time, and my ex-husband and I are able to maintain friendly relations because of our daughters,” she was happy.

He has advice for everyone

During the interview, Milda testified that she perfectly understands women who have experienced betrayals. She also shared advice that she herself would have liked to hear in a difficult moment.

“My advice would be not to be alone, because very often there is a desire to separate from the world, not to communicate with anyone, and after all, help is needed. Maybe a psychologist, psychotherapist or other specialist.

I was also helped by all the informal activities such as meditations. Thanks to them, I regained my composure.

It is also important not to jump into other relationships, to give yourself time. Because I see that women are often vulnerable. Then they fall from the wolf to the bear. He finds a savior, receives warmth, attention and immerses himself in even worse experiences”, advised Milda and ended the conversation.