“People can’t be ‘good’ in bed—relaxed, engaged, engaged—if they feel judged or emotionally insecure,” Christophers explained, citing a half-dozen reasons why the mood in the bedroom can turn sour.
1. You lack self-confidence
“When a person doesn’t trust their body, they can’t feel free to be open and spontaneous.” As a result, he may appear detached, – said M. Christophers. – Such people may insist on making love only in the dark or under the covers. This makes it easier for them to focus on what they like, what gives them pleasure.”
A psychotherapist suggests to such people to turn on music or light a few candles, as this helps to create the desired atmosphere.
2. You are easily distracted
“Good sex is complete intimacy. It is very important to allow yourself to enjoy all the sensations without thinking about further steps, as if in a dance,” said the psychotherapist.
It’s a good idea to practice mindfulness every day—training your brain to focus on the present—and apply that mindset in the bedroom.
3. You are embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner
in 2023 Vanessa Marin, author of The Sex Conversation: Five Conversations That Will Change Your Love Life, recommends starting the conversation with a compliment.
“It could be something as simple as, ‘You look great today.’ Or, ‘Your eyes are very beautiful.’ You can also always be proud of the mutual connection you feel,” said V. Marin.
The author revealed that problems in the bedroom usually arise from poor communication.
M. Christophers emphasizes that it is very important to know your partner’s desires and try to fulfill them. Also, you need to remember to do this constantly, as your significant other’s desires may change.
4. You don’t vary your routine
A study published last year in the scientific journal “Journal of Sexual Medicine” found that men are more likely than women to experience sexual boredom in long-term relationships.
Planning sex and realizing fantasies can also help you break out of the routine.
5. Your partner is not involved enough
“Both parties must feel the same desire to make love. However, there are many reasons why partners’ moods may differ, said M. Christophers. “If you prefer morning sex and your partner prefers to have sex in the evening, you need to talk about it and find a solution that works for both of you.”
6. You feel ashamed if you “don’t surprise”
in 2019 A study found that between 9 and 25 percent are worried about their ability in bed. in men (which contributes to premature ejaculation) and 6-16 percent. women (it suppresses their sex drive).
M. Christophers advises to combat stress by focusing on the sensations you experience, not just on pleasing your partner.
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